Am I a Hypocrite?
Maybe, you accidentally clicked (even better if you meant too) and landed on my home page to be faced with images of food and recipes! GREAT!
You then take the time to read about me and realise I am recovering from an eating disorder; Anorexia!
Why would you want to look at recipes from someone who was (and still can be) fearful of food?! How can they tell you something about food you would possibly want to know!!
My illness gave me few positive things (if any) BUT it did give me a passion for food and recipes.
When you are ‘in’ your eating disorder, food is all you think about. You know the nutritional information for pretty much every food in the grocery store! You poor over endless recipes and often cook extremely complex and varied food for friends and family, always safe in the knowledge you WILL resist.
At the time all of your knowledge is used in a very negative way!
Finding the Antidote
As I started to dilute the poison living inside me, I realized I could use my knowledge of food and passion for cooking and recipes in a positive way.
Not only could I set myself the task of taking one meal at a time, I could use my knowledge to adapt recipes and create new ones.
As I started to introduce more foods, I realized my body reacted to them in a different way. Where I could eat dairy before my eating disorder, I can no longer tolerate it and it makes me ill – annoyingly it’s the same with eggs and gluten!!
I seem to have released a trigger for allergy; when you restrict something for so long your body kinda flushes it out and does not know how to deal with it anymore. So – no dairy, eggs or gluten! WTF!!
This has actually made recovery much harder. Ask anyone recovering from an eating disorder and they will tell you that food allergies are a great way of hiding up the fact you have an eating disorder.
Two years ago I would have agreed with you, but today NO these allergies are real and quite frankly annoying!
I had dreams of eating peanut butter on toast or tucking into a buttery croissant, so when I did and found it actually made me ill, well let’s just say, it’s like being stood up for your prom night!!
Stop playing with your food
How many times were you told this when you were young?!
The great thing about introducing food again is that everything feels so new and tastes amazing. Imagine eating roast chicken for the first time or eating a freshly baked apple pie or in my case a good old piece of crunchy, crispy bacon! It’s amazing and scary all at one.
Due to my allergies and the need to take things slowly with food, most recipes are not really suitable for me. I want to eat, but I want to fill my body with as healthy food as possible. Raw food sounds amazing and I love pouring over video recipes on youtube, but my digestive system just cannot handle raw food – not yet anyway!
For instance, raw food sounds amazing and I love pouring over video recipes on youtube, but my digestive system just cannot handle raw food – not yet anyway! STEP away from the kale?! LOVE this girl (don’t click away yet 😉
The minute I started playing with food and recipes, the more I realised I could make food just as awesome with a few tweaks here and there to suit me.
Food for fun
My blog is to essentially raise awareness of eating disorders and mental illness, take a look back at some of my old blog posts and you will see how far I have come on this journey.
Prior to this disease taking grip I had the awesome job of selling British cheese in America and ran my own gluten free food business, so FOOD has always been around me!
I am not a professional chef or someone looking to sell 10 million recipe books, I just want to share, educate and inspire others and hopefully help a few people along the way too!
As I am a Brit, many of my recipes are inspired from my childhood or food I have enjoyed whilst travelling. Food blogging is MASSIVE and I am addicted to reading food blogs (in a positive way)!
The rustic look
As you can tell all the recipe and food images are my own, I hate looking at over styled food on food sites. I want mine to look rustic – Honest! After all, rarely does our food turn out like the pictures – right?!
Video Recipes – I am still getting comfortable with filming my recipes and I feel like a stuffy English girl fresh out of Buckingham palace, but I will find my MOJO and hopefully they will improve…..