I have been on local BBC Radio talking about Anorexia twice over the last year, each time ashamed to let people know my real name. I had this urge to try and help others in a similar situation and talking about it openly felt like a good start, I also thought it would shake me up and force me into recovering as I did not want to be a hypocrite.
BBC Wiltshire asked to go back in again for a follow up interview, but they also wanted to interview my mum to get her perspective on my disease. Mum reluctantly agreed on the basis that if she shared her story it may help parents going through the same feel like they are not alone!
On Wednesday this week we went into the BBC Wiltshire studio, we chose to be pre recorded just incase one of us cried, swore or said something offensive….it happens when emotions are running high!
I have to say sitting there listening to my mum sharing her emotions was the hardest thing I have had to do. Of course we have talked about my illness, but she is always so strong and determined, I rarely get to see the vulnerable side! I am constantly aware of the suffering I put myself under, but to be confronted by my mum talking to a stranger about how she struggles with my disease just put an entirely different and gut wrenching take on it! I felt guilt, numbness & anger!
The truth is people, I am one year on from ‘outing’ myself and I am no further down the road to recovery, I do have better days when The Darkness is lifted but ultimately my eating and exercise habits have not changed and as I sit here now I am the lightest I have been in a long time! This big intention to blog and recover by sharing my story is just not enough.
I am so bored of talking about, thinking about and living with Anorexia, I can only imagine how tiresome I am for the people around me. The truth is the more I think about it, the more I realise I cannot do this on my own but I am also way to scared to let anyone else in and separate me and Anorexia.
Who will I be without it??
If you have time take a listen to the INTERVIEW. I have not yet been able to listen to it since leaving the Studio.