I cannot believe we have been living in Spain a month tomorrow! WHAT?!
It has flown past in a whirlwind of work, sun, running, cycling and shopping for amazing food at local farmers markets! Spain has been everything we hoped it would be and more.
Settling into a different pace of life is actually much harder than it sounds. When you have a busy, active and often irritating mind like mine, quietness and taking time to relax are not exactly welcome!
Its so quiet where we live and of course the Spanish have a way more relaxed way of life. Its Awesome, but strange!
How do I feel?! I mean really feel?!
Insomnia still plagued me for the first couple of weeks and I remember the various amounts of red wine (1/2 a glass for those that know me) helped take the edge off, until I realised its not really the best way to ensure you sleep at night…..or eat!
Anorexia is still with me, although I have introduced a few more foods. I eat fresh fruit and nuts and have the odd glass of wine. All of these foods were high on the list of NO when we moved here, so there are small steps. A bottle of red wine is €1.80 here and tastes pretty amazing!
I have purposely not taken the time to write on my blog, I needed to settle in and see where my head ended up and more importantly where did Anorexia fit into all of this?!
I have taken a BIG decision to move away from writing about Anorexia. I am done. I have given it way too much of a voice over the last three years (and longer) and now its time to move on.
Mental illness awareness is still something I am passionate about, it does still have a stigma attached to it – people who have never experienced it will NEVER EVER understand where you are taken to in the depths of your despair.
Yoga, meditation and keeping busy have all kept me bobbing my head above water and I will do whatever I can to keep the dark days away. Sometimes they just come upon you and you aren’t ready, for me in the month we have been here I have had two of those days at the most. In the last year, it was easily two days a week!!
Even though Anorexia will not be given HER voice – Mental illness will still be a part of me and what I speak about. I am who I am today because of my mental illness, good or bad. This is me.
What next for Bitesizekatie??
Bitesizekatie is going to be my food recipe blog (Ironically). I am hoping that trying out new recipes is a GREAT way (sometimes) of me trying to introduce new foods into my MIND. I am staying away from the word DIET – it just gets on my tits and has so many negative connotations….
As I write this, I can feel Paul shaking his head – after all he has tried his hardest to take over the cooking and get me back to health, but it ain’t easy for either of us. Giving over control to someone AND introducing new foods, was just too much of a BIG step for me!
The one thing Anorexia has given me is knowledge about food, recipes and how our bodies use food in our everyday lives. Most people will assume I have no interest in food, its the total opposite and is the sick side of living with Anorexia.
I really do class myself as an expert in recipes, nutrition and food for health! With such a fascination and passion for food, it feels really natural and right to turn my experience into a positive.
A recipe a day to keep Anorexia away?!
The goal is to set myself a recipe everyday and share it with you guys! Even if it looks and tastes bad – at least you know what not to make as well as what to make! If that makes sense?!
My recipes will be healthy with minimal fats and sugars, but hopefully over time they will grow as I feel able to introduce more foods. SO – get used to looking at water and oats recipes for at least a month ;-)) I want to be able to eat the recipes I cook – I so often cook for others without even thinking about eating the food.
Filming the recipes was really important for me, but having watched myself back on a test video we did, I do not think I have the confidence to grace the world of YOUTUBE – Just yet?!
I know there are so many recipe and food blogs out there, but a food blog coming from someone with an eating disorder should hopefully give it a new perspective and HELP others too!
Everyone has a book in them?!
I have this incredible URGE to write a book, I have no idea what it will be about, I am just toying with ideas.
Should it be about Anorexia?
Should it be the new ‘Harry Potter’ (I wish) and be magical and fiction??
It may even end up being a recipe book for people in recovery from an eating disorder!!
Any thoughts and ideas are welcome?!?!
Mental Illness – I have no shame!
Deep down I know I will still want to talk about my mental health issue, blogging has helped keep me going this far and I know I will live with my illness for the rest of my life. Depression, self loathing, lack of confidence or whatever you want to call it effects us all – some of us find solace and comfort in talking and are able to open up and others just sit at home and cry their secret tears.
Either way – keep talking about it. There is nothing to be ashamed of, we are all here to live our lives and be free from judgement.
PS Thanks to my friend ‘Abs the original’ – We are now addicted to The Walking Dead, we are only on Series 4! The issue is now, I literally look over my shoulder every time I have to pee in the night – if you watch it you will know what I mean.