Anorexia, myself & I – Day 342

One word sums up my week – IGNORANCE.

Any disease puts a strain on family and relationships. Everyone fights to deal with emotions, sadness, and anger that comes with fighting and dealing with emotions around any illness.

Mental illness is just so misunderstood and the sad fact is that people do not want to learn about it either. 

Other diseases and illnesses are spoken about the news, media and in magazines; they are diseases that affect us all in some way and because we are made aware of them we are familiar with what they mean.

Twice this week I have been called SELFISH. I am selfish for putting this disease on the people around me, I am SELFISH because I will not admit myself into a clinic and I am SELFISH for bringing sadness and desperation.

At what point do people imagine this disease is a choice. Why is this disease any different to a physical disease, like cancer, heart disease or Parkinson’s?! 

Would you tell someone with cancer or heart disease they are SELFISH for putting the disease on the people around them? I am guessing NO.

Mental illness is not a choice. It is not something I can just wake up and snap out of. 

Do you not THINK I would have done that by now? Do you not think I would have saved my relationship from destruction if I had a choice? Do you not think I would be out there embracing life like any 36 year old should be?

I am saddened and hurt by being called SELFISH, I can understand to a certain extent as people may assume I am nonchalant about what I have; after all, I am still functioning, I can still go and work in a coffee shop, I can manage day to day. I can hold a conversation, I still smile.

Oh, I am sorry if I do not look ‘ill enough’ and put makeup, get dressed to face another day! I am sorry for your utter IGNORANCE.

BUT do not for one second think this disease is a choice, everyday takes so much effort to get up, get dressed, face the world and another day of loneliness and upset thinking about what I have lost through my illness.

I implore you; if you know someone suffering from a mental illness, take some time to learn a bit about their situation and illness. Knowledge is power and knowledge is compassion. 

How am I? I am still crying, still grieving, still feeling desperate and lonely, still going for tests and attending appointments.

BUT I am eating, I feel times of excitement about the future, I am trying to turn every negative into a positive and I am reaching out to people in times of need. 

To those people, you know who are you are and thank you from the bottom of my heart for being my guardian angels in times of utter need.

To those who labeled me SELFISH. Go get educated and find some compassion.

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